Tuesday, August 25, 2009

THIS is why I don't shop at Walmart....

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.

"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.

It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a doctor."

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.

He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart."

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his
concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!

Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart!

Har, har.




Brother Dave said...

That's a lot of quality information for only ten bucks.

Sushiboy said...


Faiqa said...

You know what the funniest part of this story was?

The fact that I thought it was a story about people you really knew until the last few sentences... I was,like, "wow, they have a computer that tells you what's wrong with you for $10? Who needs universal health care when you have Wal Mart?"


Hoosier Girl said...

Brother Dave - Kinda makes me wish there WAS such a machine.

Sushi - I know. Good one, huh?

Faiqa - Be careful what you say, woman! The only thing Wal-mart ISN'T into is health care. Yet.