"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
THIS is why I don't shop at Walmart....
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.
"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.
It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a doctor."
So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.
He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart."
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.
Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his
concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!
Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart!
Har, har.
Scary.
J.
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4 comments:
That's a lot of quality information for only ten bucks.
hehehe
You know what the funniest part of this story was?
The fact that I thought it was a story about people you really knew until the last few sentences... I was,like, "wow, they have a computer that tells you what's wrong with you for $10? Who needs universal health care when you have Wal Mart?"
Heh.
Brother Dave - Kinda makes me wish there WAS such a machine.
Sushi - I know. Good one, huh?
Faiqa - Be careful what you say, woman! The only thing Wal-mart ISN'T into is health care. Yet.
J.
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