Wednesday, October 03, 2007

It's Over.

Gary called me last night, on his way home from work, and told me he didn't think we could see each other anymore. He just can't "get past" what I told him. He said he was sorry because he "really liked" me, but he didn't think I was "that kind of person". I honestly hadn't decided what I was going to do, what I was going to say, or even if I was going to pick up the phone when he called. Now I don't have to decide. I'm not worthy.

I told him I hoped it was worth it, to tell me what he thought I wanted to hear, just to get what he wanted. He stuttered and sputtered and said it "wasn't like that!" How convenient that shortly after I spend the night with him, he picks a minor point from my past and suddenly it becomes a major issue. He kept saying he didn't want me to think he was "the kind of guy who just wanted to get me into bed!". Uh, yeah. That is exactly what I think.

I can not believe that, once again. I am the dumbest, most gullible, most naive person on the freaking planet. I thought we were going somewhere, I trusted him, I believed him! You would think I would learn.

Why do I do this to myself? Why do I believe anything they say?

I hate men. I give up.

Do you hear that, guys? I quit. You have officially killed my hope for any kind of love in the future.

I'm done.
J.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hoosier,
I've read your blog for a while but not posted (can't get the damn blogger to log me on!)...but I wanted to tell you that you have always inspired me with your upbeat, try-try again attitude toward life, dating and raising kids alone. Do yourself a favor this week and focus on just you...you are a very special person who deserves to be treated the same way you treat others. From my observations any guy would be lucky to get even a date with you, as funny and sincere as you are. Don't let this guy make you doubt yourself. And good for you to tell him that YOU didn't know that HE was THAT kind of guy either. Sometimes when you stop trying to please others and just put all that "spoil-me" focus on yourself, which is well-deserved, your attraction level just grows and people notice. I say it's a good week for self-focus and self-indulgence, girl. You don't have to GIVE UP. The right one will come to you eventually, and will love you for just being you.

susank

Marni said...

Hugs... I know this is tough, but better he shows his true colors now before you had gotten even further. I'm so sorry he was such an asshat!!!!! You deserve better!

Avitable said...

I'm sorry to hear that. I don't know what your secret was, but I cannot imagine that anything would be such a big deal as to warrant this.

Fleur de Lisa said...

I’m saying this because I care about you as a friend, J. I hope it isn’t taken the wrong way, but I agree with Susan K. at that top comment. You need to focus on you, BEFORE you can move on and have a truly successful relationship. It’s not fun, it’s not easy, but it has to be done. I think you have to be at peace with yourself , be comfortable with yourself and most importantly love yourself. Only then can you be ready to share your life with someone who is truly good for you.
This Gary sounds like an insecure man, and a man clearly NOT ready to date. That equals disaster. Teaching yourself to love yourself is the best gift you can give—not only to yourself, but to your children who learn and internalize by example. They always see so much more than we give them credit for.
Hang in there and ((Hugs)) to you!

Jay said...

This Gary guy has some pretty serious hang-ups and is clearly in need of therapy. You don't need a person like him in your life.

RWA said...

I have to agree with jay. You're better off without this guy. I have no idea if he's judging you on your past, if he used that as an excuse to break off the relationship, or both.

Either or both, you are better off. He clearly has some issues.

Just Dave said...

When I read something like this, it makes me sad that there are men our there who still lie, cheat and cop out just to get sex. Is it really that hard, fellows, that you take a talented, hopeful and intelligent woman and make her bitter so you can have a couple of orgasms? What bullshit. You are so much better off without this walking penis than you can believe right now. I hope that time will let you see that. Until then, fix yourself some hot chocolate and sit on the front porch swing and plan your strategy.

SilverWillow said...

You don't need a man for validation of your self-worth. No human on this planet is perfect, we all make choices that lead to different outcomes. It is the lesson that comes from our choices that is the important piece. Any man that takes a moment of sharing and twists it around to his own benefit is a pathetic coward.

This is exactly why I have shut myself away from any situation that lends itself to dating. For the past 5 years, I have focused on myself and have learned who I was, and that I matter. It has taken a long time to get to the point I am at, as I was a victim of marital abuse.

Two weeks ago I took a leap of faith and joined a matchmaking service, and I have already canceled membership and deleted my profile. There was not one man there, that I felt sincerely cared about who I was, or what my life is about. They all have a hidden agenda. And that agenda lies between their legs.

I am not saying that I will never date again, or that love does not exist for me...I am just taking control. I am the effing captain of this ship called Enterprise, my own integrity is what's driving this spacecraft, and my love for myself is my own Scotty, who keeps my ship going.

I am so sorry this happened to you. You are an amazing woman and an inspiration to those of us that find wisdom and humor in your blog.
I am sending HUGS to you from Portland! :x)

And to all the "Garys" in this world, I have one thought....
Phhhhffffttttt !!!!

HoosierGirl5 said...

Susan - Thanks for the kind words. I'm glad you like my blog. I was just feeling a little down on myself last night. What is surprising is that I don't feel that bad today. Which is good. You are welcome here any time. And don't worry - every time I say I'm going to give up, I don't. :)

Marni - I know you're right. I'm just so disappointed at what his true colors are!

Avitable - Believe me, the "secret" is not that big. I would put it on here but a couple of hostile parties still pop in from time to time.

HoosierGirl5 said...

Oops. I "double-commented" myself!

Lisa - You can say anything to me. I respect your opinion. I hear what you're saying, but I'm kind of surprised you think I don't like myself. Thanks for the hugs. I can use them!

Jay - What I need is a big ol' guy from Arkansas! ;)

Dave - You made me laugh with the "walking penis" comment! I also like your idea about sitting on the porch with some hot chocolate and planning my strategy!

Silver Willow - Thanks for the sweet words. You are pretty cool yourself! I liked your words for the Garys in this world.


Thanks everyone for your great thoughts. I don't feel that bad today. I'm just disappointed.

J.

Tense Teacher said...

What a jackass.

You need to take a lot of time to focus only on YOU. When you get truly happy with you, the good ones will find you. Confidence is a man catcher. The irony is that once you get comfortable with yourself, you could care less about having a man around. Jackasses.

e.Craig said...

Well, it was a lesson learned early. I don't know if this guy dips his wick a lot, but I'm serious when I say, get yourself checked out for STDs soon, even if you notice no symptoms. No need to put it delicately. You're a grown woman. Protect your health.
I am sorry that you have had your hopes dashed, but happy to hear that you seem to be handling it well today.

Canadian flake said...

What a total dipstick. I am sorry he hurt you but I am glad you found out now what a turd he really is.

I was a single mom for 8 yrs and honestly I didn't meet my gnome until I decided I was going to be happy being alone forever...then he came into my life and changed it in ways I never thought possible.

Hang in there and remember you are loved!!!

eatmisery said...

He has no idea what he's missing out on. You've got it backwards, though. HE is totally not worthy of YOU.

Palm Springs Savant said...

he's a shallow nit-wit. You're better off without him if that's how he handles things. I don't think he was being honest with you anyway. Hang in there...someday your prince will come...and even if he doesn't, that's okay.

sybil law said...

That guy is a fucking douchebag.
Period.
Be glad he's gone!!!

Vera said...

I wanted to tell you so many things
but my emotions with this issue is so strong.
I can only say if he can't over something in your past .......
He is you not worthy.

Keep up your faith
Wen you least expect it the man of your dream is gone be there
Vera

Cynnie said...

men like him are called sometimesy

and you shouldnt feel bad about falling for him..
they're hard to figure out until you give them a little piece of your soul