Thursday, July 26, 2007

Men and Women.....

I was checking out links this morning and I clicked over to DrunkDramaQueen, to see what kind of a nut person would ask Jay from Cynical Bastard to guest-post. She seems normal, so I can only guess that she was in fact drunk.......
Anyway, I found this, and it was too funny not to pass on:


NICKNAMES:If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.

DINING OUT:And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.

BATHROOMS:A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

GROCERIES:A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a soda. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

SHOES:When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk. A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.

CATS:Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

DRESSING UP:A woman will dress up to: Go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.

LAUNDRY:Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by re-runs of old episodes of "Love, American Style."

OFFSPRING:Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Of course, I am sure the men who read this blog aren't like those descriptions. I was talking about other men. Really.



RWA said...

Let's see...

Dining Out: Yeah, that fits.

Bathrooms: That fits too.

Groceries: Guilty. When there's absolutely nothing to eat, I go. I get the cart and wander the aisles.

Shoes: Yes. I wear the same ones all day.

Dressing Up: True, except when I have to dress up for big meetings at work.

Laundry: You forgot men like to use the dryer instead of an iron!

Brother Dave said...

J - Clever comparisons. This tidbit circulates in the e-mails about once a year. Some of it [about men] comes very close to the truth.

As men, we are problem solvers for our ladies. Typical of a male, when Shirley explains some problem with which she is dealing, I come up with a couple suggestions about how she should handle the situation. Shirley [like all women under similar circumstances] simply wants an ear: someone to explain things to.

Rather than only listen, I then pursue suggesting a course of action that she might take to solve the described problem.

If she were to have explained everything to another female, I am sure there would have been a sympathetic ear without getting a suggested solution.

If the situation were reversed, Shirley would not attempt to offer a solution if I were to explain a problem to her. Of course, I am not as likely to express my feelings about situations that I am facing.

Jay said...

yeah, yeah, yeah .. LOL

Most of those are pretty close I reckon. ;-)

sunShine said...

HA HA HA! Some of these are so very true!

Fleur de Lisa said...

I especially like the bathroom one. Must mean I have about 880 items in mine! ;-)

Jeff said...

I actually heard that on ESPN radio one day. Pretty funny. Makes sense that it was on ESPN, no?

heels said...

Though, my husband? TOTAL OPPOSITE on the bathroom thing. I even had to buy him his own damn tweezers so that he'd stop stealing mine (STILL steals them when he can't find his, dammit) AND he owns Philosophy products when mine come from the drug-store!! He spends more time on his inch-long hair than I spend on my mid-back length hair!