Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Comfort objects...

In my class I teach "social skills", since my kids are in need of work in that department. Today we were reading a book called "I Feel Scared" and in it, the author wrote about what a child could do if he or she felt scared. Among the choices presented was to use comfort objects, such as a teddy bear or a blanket. It showed a girl with her fuzzy slippers, her robe, and her teddy bear.


It made me think about what I do for comfort, especially lately since things have ended with Baron. Everyone says to me, "At least you have your kids." They're right, to some degree. I would have gone crazy if I had been home alone with my thoughts the last two weeks. I was grateful for the "busy-ness" of family life to keep me occupied and productive. And I am always thankful for their love and concern for me. Sensing that I was sad over the recent changes, all of them have offered verbal comfort or plentiful hugs to try to "perk me up". Their sweetness and kindness always makes me smile.


But I try not to rely on my kids for emotional support. I am, after all, their mom, not their buddy. I want them to know that I am human, fallible and - COUGH- (occasionally) moody,but I am still the parent here. I have turned to friends, both at school and at church, for advice and support in moving through yet another transition. And, I have my comfort objects.


Here's the short list:
  • my fluffy blue robe
  • my bedroom
  • Diet Coke
  • chocolate
  • any Rascal Flatts song
  • reading to Aaron
  • my morning coffee
  • my lemon candles
  • daffodils
  • walking

These are the things I turn to when things are blue. These things make me feel good, make me feel like me. Notice that dating is not on that list. I'm not ready for that. Out of respect for myself and the relationship that just ended, I am taking some time to sort things through and heal. As a very wise friend told me tonight, it just takes time.

(sigh)

Okay. I'll let you know when time is up. Until then, I'm hanging in there.

J.

7 comments:

eatmisery said...

I thought you and Baron were just taking a break. I didn't realize it was completely over. I'm so sorry.

FindingHeart said...

Hey sister, take a warm bath in Diet Coke with a chocolate pillow and daffodils floating in the water. *ick!!*

You are lucky to have your kids so much of the time. While they do drown out the quiet, they are a reminder of what is good in life.

Take the time and relax and heal. ...I keep hearing that also. LOL.

HoosierGirl5 said...

EM - Nope, we're done. I thought we were taking a break, too, but apparently he thought differently.
It's all going to shake out in the end.

FH - Your kids are lucky they have TWO parents who love them and care for them. My children are not so lucky. For the first FOUR years, I was the ONLY parent. It was hard on them.
Thanks for the kind words. I'm moving forward.

J.

Sayre said...

That's a good list. Mine includes fluffy pillows and cool sheets, a cat or two, tomato soup with grilled cheese sandwiches, and hot tea. The people who know me, know these things. Thanks for sharing.

lisa said...

I think that you are dealing with this all very well. Maybe taking time for you, just you , is a very good thing!

Your kids sound awesome! :-)

Look for an email from me later today. It's been crazy since I've been back.

Jay said...

Hey, at least you don't list Jack Daniels as one of your comforts. That shows you are doing pretty good.

Don't know about that Rascal Flats music though. ;-)

e.Craig said...

I always had to rush into a new relationship to avoid the feelings. Not very smart. It's good that you are allowing yourself the time to grieve, J.

Now you have me thinking about my comfort "stuff."

1. Cigarillos (pacifiers, I don't smoke 'em)
2. Coffee (morning, noon & night)
3. Snack food (too many to list)