I love Robert Frost. He is my favorite poet. I could read any of his poems anytime. But I have always loved this one:
The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
-I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
I always get kind of pensive in March, for several reasons. First of all, it is the month of my oldest son's birthday. Almost 17 years ago my life changed forever. I became a mother. 15 years ago this month, I became a homeowner. But 5 years ago, my life changed forever in a different way: I became divorced. It was a long and painful process, which ended as abruptly as cold water thrown in your face. I knew the papers had been signed, I knew the judge would sign them, and I would get notice in the mail that things were final. But I wasn't prepared, 5 years ago today, when I opened a surprisingly small envelope from my lawyer, and was greeted with this opening line: "Dear Ms. F., You are officially divorced." I can still remember exactly where I was standing on the sidewalk in front of my house, with the strange feeling of wind rushing in my ears, feeling a little dizzy and a little sick. I was divorced.
So what roads have I traveled in the last 5 years? Have I taken "the road less traveled"? Have I made a difference? I made so many goals and plans for my life 5 years ago. Many of them I have achieved. I made many promises to myself, mostly with regard to the children. Some of them I have lived up to, some of them I have not. I have made a lot of mistakes.
Am I better off now than I was 5 years ago? Yes.
Am I a better person? Definitely. I am infinitely more interesting and unique than I was.
Am I happier? Yes. I didn't know it then, but I certainly know it now.
I didn't want my divorce. In fact, I fought it. But my life in the last 5 years has become so much richer and fuller than I ever thought it could be. Would I do it again? Probably. I would have given anything to keep my children from the pain of divorce, but for me as a person, yes. That which does not kill us makes us stronger. I have emerged from these 5 years much, much stronger.
And there is so much more to do, so many more "roads" to travel.
Happy Anniversary to me.