Sunday, August 13, 2006

"What if....."

Okay, I promised I would write something more coherent than the earlier 6 AM post, so here it is. I have written WAY too much about school, both my kids' start and my upcoming start. So I thought I would write something completely different. Whenever things are going poorly in my life in one area or another, I find myself thinking, "What should I be doing differently? What if this or that influence wasn't a part of my life, what choices would I be making?" So, that is where this post is going to the "what if"'s.

My dad was a high school guidance counselor and my grandmother was a teacher. My dad was really into job security, and it was he who encouraged me to become a teacher. I loved kids, I was good with kids, and teaching was such a great job for a mom, my dad said. But what if I hadn't become a teacher? I wanted to get a degree in English, but my dad talked me out of it. No job security. I loved to write, and my freshman English professor tried mightily to get me to switch my major. I always wanted to write for a newspaper or a magazine, and I have always wanted to write children's books. So maybe I would have gone to work for a newspaper or publishing company. Maybe I would have gotten my Masters in English or Journalism and gone on to become a famous children's author!

So, if I had gone ahead with the teaching degree, my first job was in South Bend, Indiana. I was determined to get a job anywhere but my hometown, and South Bend was at the completely opposite end of the state. But what if my boyfriend/fiancee (now ex-husband) hadn't followed me there? Shortly after we got married, he was offered a job in another town, so we moved there because teachers are needed everywhere. Maybe I would have met someone who lived up there and started a life/family up north. Maybe I would have moved to Chicago (only an hour away) and lived the life of a big city girl!

Of course, if I hadn't married my ex, I wouldn't have the kids I have now. Hopefully I would have had kids anyway. But what if I hadn't had kids? What would I be doing now? This one is hard to imagine. I had my oldest son when I was 25, so I had barely begun to figure out who I was as a person, before the definition of "me" automatically included "mom". I guess I would be in one of the two career paths listed above. Hopefully, if I hadn't been pregnant time and time again, I would have been super-skinny and sexy! Maybe I would have been one of those women who lived in a high-rise apartment with her cat!

So, where do all these "what if"s lead to? Nowhere, really. I will never be a big city girl or a single career woman with a high-rise apartment, but I could someday still become a writer. What if writing this blog is the start of that? Who knows?

I guess I'm just pensive today...thinking about my life and where it's going and where I want it to go. I DO know that I need to be more independent. I need to get working on a diet, and a financial plan, and doing more things for me.

What if I started making some (smile)
Have a good week, folks. I'll try to come up for air mid-week.


The Princess said...

Coming up for air is a good thing just as long as you remember to do so!

eatmisery said...

I'm an English teacher. I live in Chicago. I had a career for ten years before I had kids. I don't live in a high rise and I'm a dog lover. A lot of what you described applies to me. I almost fell over when I read your post.

Any day is a good day for change. You can do anything you put your mind to. Look back on this post in one year and see how far you came. I bet it happens, whatever it is you wish.

sunShine said...

I like to daydream sometimes about the what if's too. It is fun sometimes. One thing I really wish I would have done was to go away to college and actually graduate with a degree. Instead I stayed at home, got a job, got married, got in debt, got divorced...

Tricia said...

I do a lot of what if's - but then I look back at what I've accomplished both personally and professionally and although there are things I would change (MINOR) - I was given this path for a reason.

Interesting...the paths we take.

FindingHeart said...

Just remember, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step... or an oil change... i can't remember which. :)

carpe denim! :)

me said...

ok I'm late on this...but I am 29 and am where you are, but without kids...
What if you never had kids what would you be doing now? Relaizing that single, career minded woman living in a high rise was fun through your 20's & 30's but now it's family time. So techniclly you'd be in the same place--how's THAT for logic :)~'s the thing with change--It's freakin' scarey--we HAVE TO "what if" but we also have to try to fail...make your what if's only positive...what if I don't try then I'll never know if I failed or not. What if I don't put me first, then I may never be that.
I am JUST now at 29 telling myself "change is not so scarey"
and for the record,,,,I am moving to downtown Chicago to be one of those single, career oriented city girl's living in a high rise, but taking (the dog)Ms Coco with me :)~