"What if....."

Okay, I promised I would write something more coherent than the earlier 6 AM post, so here it is. I have written WAY too much about school, both my kids' start and my upcoming start. So I thought I would write something completely different. Whenever things are going poorly in my life in one area or another, I find myself thinking, "What should I be doing differently? What if this or that influence wasn't a part of my life, what choices would I be making?" So, that is where this post is going to go....to the "what if"'s.

My dad was a high school guidance counselor and my grandmother was a teacher. My dad was really into job security, and it was he who encouraged me to become a teacher. I loved kids, I was good with kids, and teaching was such a great job for a mom, my dad said. But what if I hadn't become a teacher? I wanted to get a degree in English, but my dad talked me out of it. No job security. I loved to write, and my freshman English professor tried mightily to get me to switch my major. I always wanted to write for a newspaper or a magazine, and I have always wanted to write children's books. So maybe I would have gone to work for a newspaper or publishing company. Maybe I would have gotten my Masters in English or Journalism and gone on to become a famous children's author!

So, if I had gone ahead with the teaching degree, my first job was in South Bend, Indiana. I was determined to get a job anywhere but my hometown, and South Bend was at the completely opposite end of the state. But what if my boyfriend/fiancee (now ex-husband) hadn't followed me there? Shortly after we got married, he was offered a job in another town, so we moved there because teachers are needed everywhere. Maybe I would have met someone who lived up there and started a life/family up north. Maybe I would have moved to Chicago (only an hour away) and lived the life of a big city girl!

Of course, if I hadn't married my ex, I wouldn't have the kids I have now. Hopefully I would have had kids anyway. But what if I hadn't had kids? What would I be doing now? This one is hard to imagine. I had my oldest son when I was 25, so I had barely begun to figure out who I was as a person, before the definition of "me" automatically included "mom". I guess I would be in one of the two career paths listed above. Hopefully, if I hadn't been pregnant time and time again, I would have been super-skinny and sexy! Maybe I would have been one of those women who lived in a high-rise apartment with her cat!

So, where do all these "what if"s lead to? Nowhere, really. I will never be a big city girl or a single career woman with a high-rise apartment, but I could someday still become a writer. What if writing this blog is the start of that? Who knows?

I guess I'm just pensive today...thinking about my life and where it's going and where I want it to go. I DO know that I need to be more independent. I need to get working on a diet, and a financial plan, and doing more things for me.


What if I started making some changes....today? (smile)
Have a good week, folks. I'll try to come up for air mid-week.