Thursday, August 24, 2006

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus....How do I get there from here?

Okay, I admit it.

After 42 years of life, two marriages, upteen boyfriends, 4 children, a Bachelor's degree, a Masters degree, and 11+ years of service in the field of education, I STILL do not understand men. Men aren't just from Mars, they're from a totally different solar system!

Let's start, shall we, with my ex-husband, the man I was married to for 14 years, the man I thought enough of to have FOUR children with. This man is an acknowledged liar. You remember that movie where Robert Redford paid some guy a million dollars to have sex with the guy's wife? Well, as much I would LOVE to be a millionaire, a million dollars would not be enough to get me to have intimate contact even just one more time with my first husband, that's how little I think of him.

This is the man who has, when his conscience, however small, gets the better of him raises holy hell if I attempt to interfere with his court-appointed rights to what he laughingly refers to as "HIS children". I have not told the story here completely of what he did to me and my kids, and I probably should sometime, but in a nutshell: he was cheating on me for most of our marriage (which I knew nothing about until we had separated) and once divorced, he married a woman he met on the Internet and moved 3000+ miles away to live with her and HER children for 3 1/2 years. My children were ages 2-12 at the time and I raised them for almost 4 years alone. But I digress.

The main point of this rant is that he has wasted countless dollars of his money and mine when I won't force my children to spend time with him, but then whenever anything he feels is important comes up, he calls and cancels his visitation. He has pulled such a stunt on part of this coming weekend. It is inconvenient for him to get down here Friday night, so he just isn't going to be bothered to come down until Sunday. Now if I attempt to "keep him from his kids", he threatens me with court (and has taken action when sufficiently provoked), but he can simply not show up any time he wants and I have no recourse. So, the only night that Baron and I might have had together with no children THIS MONTH is gone. Suffice it to say, I'm pissed.

Then, there's my boyfriend. God knows I love him, but I don't always understand him. We interpret interpersonal relationships so differently. He has a female friend, someone who used to be a girlfriend, someone he took vacations with and yes, let's say it, slept with. They have evolved from boyfriend/girlfriend to friends and have stayed in close contact since the relationship dissolved. She has a serious boyfriend and Baron and I have been together for almost 9 months. I have gotten to know her via telephone, and actually met her while Baron, me, and kids were on our family vacation. She was instrumental in finding us an inexpensive place to stay, helping us with parking and the subway, and showing us around for a couple of days.

I like her.

But he thinks I'm oversensitive when it comes to his former loves.(We won't even get into all the ex-wife issues. She's a whole other story) And he interprets his relationship, past and present, with this friend differently than she does. Now there's all this misunderstanding going on. He's frustrated, I'm frustrated....I don't know what the solution is. We all have our pasts. I have TWO ex-husbands, and right now, two former boyfriends who keep popping up on my radar screen. But I don't think I throw my past up at him as much as his past keeps coming up at me. I know I have trust issues, but....come on! How much "ex-wife, ex-girlfriend trauma" is one girl supposed to patiently wade through?

Okay, I'm done ranting. I feel better.

Now to go "google" Venus-to-Mars shuttle services......


HoosierGirl5 said...

Just as a sidenote, probably seen only by my handful of loyal blog buddies, but it also really ticks me off when someone says he read my post in less than 30 seconds!
I think what I write is better than just something you SKIM!
NOW I'm done.

sunShine said...

I am sorry that your ex is so bad. THANK GOD IN HEAVEN I did not have children with my ex. We also have to deal with an ex that can change our time anytime she gets ready but for us to change it, it takes an act of CONGRESS.

Men always look at things such as past relationships differently than we do. Good luck with that situation. I am sorry you won't get your "date" night this weekend.

Tricia said...

Men are NOT from Mars - they are from Pluto - and from what I understand, Pluto just lost its planet status!

As for your ex - he sounds like a piece of work - and your children are extremely lucky to have you in their lives - it must hurt to have a parent only want you when it's only ok on their terms. What a sad man.

As for your current man - he just doesn't get it - but you have to have faith in your relationship - tell him how you feel - and see how he responds. Do you think you'll lose him to her? Does she want him back?

You may be worrying for nothin' :)

The Princess said...

What a jerk...a JERK I tell you!!

And personally, if D was still in touch with an "girl" who was that close? We would be having some words!

Hoping you have a good weekend...sending you some blog hugs!