Fun Monday - Love and Marriage

As I mentioned when I proposed this theme, I have been married twice. I was married to the man I met in college for 14 years. We had 4 children together. Then he divorced me and I married again on the rebound - a man 15 years my senior and the complete opposite of my first husband. We were married for a little over a year. Since that time, I have had some short-term relationships, one long-term boyfriend, and now I am with the man who (hypothetically) is "the one". You would think I would know something about what makes a good relationship....or more to the point, what doesn't work. Obviously I don't.

It's hard for me to tell any "endearing" story about my first husband. Although I know we had to have had some good times early on, all the bad stuff that happened shortly before, during, and after our divorce has completely obliterated all memory of those sweet and poignant moments. But I do have an odd example of what I think makes a good relationship from my second marriage:

Larry and I had already decided that things were not going to work out. He knew how I felt about another divorce. The first one had been devastating and I swore it would never happen again. Larry loved me...he only wanted the best for me. But he had decided that he was not what was going to work long-term for me and my family. And I knew well enough that once Larry had made up his mind, that was it. I was heartsick but resigned.

We were sitting on the front steps of the porch in the sunshine. I had been crying for what seemed like hours. I had my head on his shoulder and he was trying to comfort me the best he could. He put his arm around me and said,"Hey, it's gonna be okay. I'll take care of you. I promise." And in that moment, I knew that he would. Yes, I was sick to my stomach, thinking of all the things I would have to do, to change, to leave to get my family back to our old lives,but I knew he cared about me. I knew he was my friend and he would take care of me as best he could. And in the next few months, he helped me repaint my house, turn on my utilities, move all our furniture and yes, held me in his arms every time I asked him to. The man I was divorcing was one of my best friends. That, to me, is part of what makes a good relationship.

That's my story. I wanted to scan a wedding picture of Larry and I but the scanner at work wasn't working.

Having written all that, I should also say this: I think honesty, trust, communication, intimacy, and fun are all important parts of a good relationship. And I am very lucky to have all of those things in the man I love.

J.