This post is lovingly dedicated to my good buddy, E. Craig. I hope he
How does a man show that
he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So that men in Dayton can remember them.
How many honest, intelligent, caring men does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They don't stop and ask for directions.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know;
it has never happened.
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They already have boyfriends.
What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
Why does a man prefer blondes?
Men always like intellectual company.
Why does a man like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it. B. Penicillin
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.
How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?
All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.
How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why are men like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half time.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A.A dog is always happy to see you B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train
Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.
What do you call an ex-husband with half a brain?
What is the difference between an ex-husband and a catfish?
One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.
Man: Want a quickie?
Woman: As opposed to what?
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?
A man's undivided attention.
How is a man like a snowstorm?
Because you don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay.
What do you call an intelligent man in Dayton, Ohio?
I'm through now.
Have a great Monday.