Thursday, March 01, 2007

The Dating Game....


I was talking to a girlfriend on the phone last evening and we got to talking about blind dates. I hate blind dates....in fact I'm not fond of "casual dating" at all. When I first got separated and then divorced (God, 5 years ago this month!), I was completely uninterested in the opposite sex. The very thought of dating made me sick to my stomach. I was suddenly a single mom with 4 young kids, and a house to maintain all by myself, and a van to maintain, and well, let's just say I was overwhelmed.

But when I finally DID decide I was ready to meet the world again (almost a year later), a teacher friend of mine persuaded me to try Match.com. Posting a profile was pretty easy, although I had an awful picture, and I'm sure my bio was very dull....but I was even terrified to have guys CALL me! Eventually I overcame my terror and actually had a date.

My very first real bonafide date was with a guy named Phil. He had never had a (post-divorce) date either. We agreed to meet at a really nice steak restaurant, and I sat in the parking lot for a half hour in terror. I was afraid to go in. Finally, I screwed up my courage and went in. I don't think the poor guy knew what was about to hit us both. We had both been celibate during our "divorce recovery" period and about 5 minutes after our first kiss, our long-repressed hormones kicked in. We dated for a couple of months and (CAUTION: EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT) had the best damn sex I had ever had. We even did it in his hot tub. After 14 years of sub-standard, very "blah" sex with my ex-husband, I had no idea how good sex could be.

Over the last 4 years I've had more than a few strange dates. The guy who admitted five minutes into our first date that he used to be addicted to cocaine. The guy, who after TWO dates, called me to tell me he was married. The guy who was trying to quit smoking and showed up sucking on one of the nicotine tips, that looks just like a pacifier! The guy who claimed he forgot his credit card and I had to pay for our lunches. The guy who, in person, looked a lot like my ex-husband. (sorry, no.) The guy who brought pictures of his vacation with his kids to the Grand Canyon to a very expensive restaurant, and then, after taking me back to his place for drinks, admitted that I wasn't really his type, but did I want to have sex anyway?

The worst blind date was with a guy named Jim. He and I had talked on the phone a few times, but we had never arranged to meet. One Saturday night, my plans with my friends petered out early, so I gave him a call and we met at Buckheads at 10:00 at night! (In case you're wondering where my kids were, that was before my idiot ex moved away to California, so he was actually taking them for visitation every other weekend. During my post-divorce "party girl" period, I packed a lot into those free weekends.).
There I stand, dressed for a date. I had lost a lot of weight and was looking real good in a little t-shirt dress, with sandals and a tan. Jim pulls up in a beat-up pickup truck. As he gets out of the truck, I realize 2 things: #1 - his profile pic was at least 10 yrs. and 50 pounds ago, and #2 - he's not wearing shoes. Noticing my dismay, he yells across the parking lot to me, "Don't worry. I got my flip-flops in the back of the truck!". I was already looking for a way to run.

Buckhead's is closing and we're looking for an open restaurant nearby. He spies "Hooters". No way. This date just keeps getting better and better - he wanted to take me on our FIRST DATE to HOOTERS! Finally, we find a nearby bar/restaurant and sit down. Give him a chance, don't make snap judgements, I'm thinking. At the time I was teaching in a Catholic school, around the same time all the allegations against priests molesting boys stuff was coming out. So first he launches into a tirade about Catholics. (excuse me, sir, your DATE is Catholic) After he's done with religion (primarily mine, not his), he starts on...yes, you guessed it.....teachers! I finally had to implement the bathroom escape. I went to the bathroom, called my friend, and asked her to call me in 5 minutes. Then, when she calls, I pretend I have a child at home with a fever.....and get the hell out of there!!!! He actually called me the next day to see if I wanted to go out again. Unbelievable.

Of course, I've had plenty of great dates, too. Those are stories for a different post. For now, I don't have to play "the dating game", which is fine with me, because I think I may have forgotten all the rules anyway. (grin)
Have a great weekend.
J.

6 comments:

Sayre said...

If anything ever happened to my Darling Man, I don't think I'd even try again. I have my kid, I have my work, I have my home. Some casual dating here and there for company and "hormonal release" but I don't know that I would invite a man to be a part of my life again. Got Darling Man broken in just right!!!!

Fleur de Lisa said...

Hooter, HOOTERS? NO way! That guy is a riot. I've not been on a blind date, per se- but I've been on a weird one- too weird to write about in a comment box. Ya' never know who reads these, if you know what I mean. ;-)

eatmisery said...

I've never gone on a blind date. Is that unusual?

Jay said...

Okay, those were pretty funny. I can't believe that one dude. Everybody knows you wait until the SECOND date to go to Hooters! And even then you only go when there is a game on so you can watch the game instead of listening to the woman's silly stories.

hahahaha .. kidding .. kidding

I kid because I care. ;-)

FindingHeart said...

First of all, I had to play the Mystery Date game whenever we visited Grans house. Two older sisters and I was young and beatup-able. Ha!

Secondly, I am so not looking forward to dating. How do you find a decent date? What to expect on 1st, 2nd etc dates? When is it okay to bolt with fear and when do you have to stick it out eventhough you know it'll never go nanywhere. Just reading this helps me. ;)

sunShine said...

Oh if anything ever happens to hubby, I don't know what I will do. I hate dating.