Many of you have commented or sent me e-mails lately about "what's up".
I don't really want to offer a full-fledged explanation at this time, for several reasons.
But the situation between Baron and I has changed. We are not together. We had lunch together last Friday and had a rather intense discussion, followed by a rather sad conversation Saturday morning. I thought, after that conversation, that we were "over". Then we spoke Sunday night.
I don't know what we are. We are not talking at this time. I know I still love him, and I do intensely miss him, but......there may be some obstacles that we can not overcome. He needs time and independence. I need security and reassurance. I don't know if those needs can mesh. Both of us have our pride. (sigh) I understand his position, but I get so scared. We both have our weaknesses, and ironically, both are related in different ways to security. He is a good man.
It is hard. He is in my thoughts so frequently. One minute I think I did the right thing, the next minute I miss him so intensely I can't breathe. We were so comfortable together. Everything reminds me of him.
And so, for now, I am living my life, day to day. Working, spending time with my kids, housework, life. Trying just to breathe in and out. On my own again, where I have been too many times before.
I know I am being cryptic, but I hesitate to be more specific, mainly because his ex-wife and/or her fiance read this blog from time to time and frankly, it's none of their damn business.
Please pray, as I have every night, that whatever path Baron and I are to take, either separately or together, will reveal itself to us in due time.
Thanks so much for your concern. I'm hanging in there.