The Coffee Table

2 Years Ago Today......

2009-11-03T21:55:00.005-05:00

Happy Anniversary, babe. Thanks for the beautiful flowers.

I love you.

Fun Monday - Getting to Know You!

2009-11-02T19:22:00.004-05:00

This week's Fun Monday is being hosted by Mariposa. She would like all us "Fun Monday"ers to get to know each other better. So, here is her challenge.

(1) Share something which you wish your readers would know about you. It could be something you feel you might need to clarify/ share, etc.
Just like Sayre said in her post, I feel like this blog is pretty much an open book. I haven't been as "post"-y as I have been in the past, in part due to being very, very busy at work and at home..and in part because I like visiting Facebook too much. But something I would like to share?? Hmmmmm......I guess I should share that I worry a lot. About everything. Way more than I express here, because if I put it all here I would sound like such a whiner. I especially worry about money, my kids, and my future. But I do pray a lot, and I try to plan and trust.

(2) Ask three questions to your readers, and I mean all readers, whether participants of Fun Monday or not. The questions should be generic so that all your readers can answer them and that it will help you get to know your readers more.

A. What profession would you have if you could completely change from what you're doing now?

B. What helps you relax and trust that things will be okay when you're stressed out?

C. What is one thing you like about me? (I'm feeling kind of needy right now...I need some strokes!)

I hope your Monday was a good one. Mine was crazy...I was observed by the principal today...and my co-teacher really annoys me. But I had a fantastic weekend with Steven. Tomorrow is our 2nd anniversary and he bought me a beautiful promise ring (as in, " a promise of things to come"). It's being sized right now, so I can't wear it (sniff!) until November 12, but here is a picture:

It looks smaller in the picture, but it has 3 beautiful diamonds and is very heavy and comfortable. I can't wait to wear it!

Anyway, hope your week goes well.

J.

Smell my feet.....

2009-10-31T19:35:00.001-04:00

Happy Halloween everyone!

It's a quiet Halloween night here....Aaron and Daniel have gone to Indianapolis with their dad, Rachael went to a Halloween party, it's just me and Steven and the cats.

May your hauntings be happy.

J.

I Ticket to Tibet, Please!

2009-10-26T21:20:00.002-04:00

Okay, I have figured it out: the next time I feel like packing up and moving to a cave, instead I'm going to Tibet. According to THIS article, the most remote place on Earth is Tibet, parts of which are 20 days on foot from the nearest point of civilization.

20 days away from everyone.

Now that's MY idea of a get-away.

(Can I take my iPhone?)

Halloween is Coming!!!!!

2009-10-25T22:13:00.004-04:00

Here are a couple of fun Halloween quizzes for you:

YOU SHOULD CARVE A SCARY PUMPKIN FACE!

You Should Carve a Scary Pumpkin Face

You are confident, daring, and even outrageous. People look to you, and you are a true leader.

You're the type of person who takes Halloween seriously. You go all out for the holiday.

You enjoy scaring the dickens out of everyone, whether you're throwing a party or just greeting trick-or-treaters.

You've always got something new up your sleeve each year. If you're going to scare people, you're going to have to surprise them!

What Pumpkin Face Should You Carve?

Work is Hard. Time for Blogthings!

YOU SHOULD BE A PUMPKIN!

You Should Be a Pumpkin

You are seen as cute and adorable. People can't help but love you.

You see Halloween as the day you can really go all out and get noticed.

You're definitely likely to get a little scared on Halloween.

You are easily spooked, but you love feeling scared. It's all part of the fun.

What Classic Halloween Costume Should You Wear?

Blogthings: Cheaper Than a Therapist

My costume IS a pumpkin! Amazing! What are your results?
J.

Happy Birthday Rachael!

2009-10-21T22:03:00.009-04:00

Time to change the numbers in my "About Me" section. Rachael is turning 18 tomorrow. I can't believe it. I know I sound like MY mom when I say this, but it seems like she was a baby just the other day. 18 years. God, how things have changed, both for me and for her.

I always get a little pensive around the kids' birthdays, because remembering the day she was born is bittersweet. My life was so different then. In many ways, we are all much happier now. But sometimes I miss having that life, the traditional kind of life and family.

Anyway, let me just tell you about my girl:

Rachael is very smart. She gets good grades almost without trying. High school was a bit of a shock for her because she actually had to apply herself a little.

Rachael has an amazing voice. She used to be in a rock band, "Ms. Understood". She still takes voice lessons and sings classical Italian arias in competitions. My girl sang the National Anthem in the middle of the football field at the Homecoming game in front of hundreds of people and didn't miss a note.

Rachael is funny. She can arch one eyebrow in the funniest way. She laughs and jokes with her brothers and generally tolerates a lot of abuse.

Rachael is loyal. She is everyone's biggest fan. She has been to not-so-exciting 8 yr. old soccer games, many jr. high and JV football games, and every play Joseph has ever done. She is a good friend and is always doing something for someone else's birthday.

Rachael can be a hormonal, emotional mess. She is, afterall, MY daughter....ha, ha. But she doesn't get like this too often.

Anyway, Happy Birthday Rachael!

I love you!

Mom

An Update on the World of HoosierGirl

2009-10-18T20:44:00.004-04:00

Hey blog world! Remember me? Since I have been too busy lately to keep very well with my blogging, I thought I would do a "catch up" post! Here goes:

Work -

Things at school are good but very busy. My teaching roommate is incompetent and drives me crazy, but other than that, I love my job. I had a student teacher for the first 7 weeks of school and I miss her. My students are doing well. For the most part, they are all making progress.

Things at the Kr**er deli have not been so good. The department manager is kind of difficult. I requested a transfer to cashier, but she blocked it. And now because she's mad at me, she's giving me all the rotten shifts. I worked 16 hours this weekend, 2 8-hour shifts, because she knows I don't like to work all weekend. It sucks, but I need the extra money, especially with Christmas coming up. I'm looking for other options. The good news, I do like all the other people who work in the deli. They are really nice, and mostly are a lot of fun.

Kids-

Joseph is doing well at IU. He hasn't been able to come home yet, but Rachael and I are going to try to go up to see him next weekend. I miss him.

Rachael will be 18 years old in just 3 days. She just got back from her Senior retreat, which was a very powerful experience for her. She is having a fun and happy senior year.

Daniel is just about to wrap up football season (yay!). He has had a great first year - the JV team is undefeated. His grades are good and he is, as always, a very responsible yet goofy person.

Aaron is still having some struggles. One step forward and two steps back. His grades are good and he likes his teacher, but his social issues continue. He is showing signs of maturity now and then. I have hope.

Pets -

We still have the two cats, Butterball and Moustache, but we just added a new kitten, Caboose. He was a stray that my friend Heather at school found and I agreed to take. He is a funny little mixture of sweetheart and alley cat.

Love life-

Steven and I are doing well. Coming soon in November, we will have known each other 2 years. He is still keeping busy driving the truck but manages to be here about once a week or at most every two weeks. We are quite domesticated, and I like it. What can I say? I love the big guy!

Other news:

I think Jon Gosselin is despicable. I think David Letterman should be ashamed of himself. And I think the mom of the Duggar family is crazy.

That's about it. Right now I feel like I'm getting a cold. Otherwise, life is pretty good.

Hows it going with you?

10 on Tuesday

2009-10-13T22:00:00.002-04:00

This week's topic: 10 Things that Make You Feel Old!

Having a son in college. ( or just being old enough to have a son in college!)

Flecks of gray in my hair. (hate 'em)

Needing to wear reading glasses. (hate them, too)

One of my former kindergarten students TEACHING first grade at my son's school.

Actually saying my age out loud.

Seeing TV shows from my childhood in the "Classics" section.

Realizing it has been almost 25 years since I graduated from college (and even longer than that since high school).

Having anyone call me "Ma'm".

Not having the slightest interest in staying up very late, or going out late.

The cute clothes I see in stores that I'm too old to wear.

What makes YOU feel old?

Quote

2009-10-12T22:33:00.000-04:00

"A thought which doesn't result in action is nothing much, and action which doesn't proceed from thought is nothing at all." - G. Bernanos

This quote really made me think.

What do you think?

A Great List!

2009-10-07T22:19:00.003-04:00

You HAVE to check out this list, if you ever loved Ferris Beuller:

15 Most Memorable Ferris Beuller Moments

Which one is YOUR favorite?

The next Fun Monday

2009-10-06T21:53:00.001-04:00

Wendishness has volunteered to host next week. Check her post for the topic.

Thanks, Wendish!

J.

Fun Monday by HoosierGirl

2009-10-04T23:32:00.009-04:00

Well, now that Steven has taken all the good stuff, I guess I'll try to come up with something different. Just kidding, I already had mine in mind. But he did do a good post - check out his "Fun Monday" post just below mine.

What I Love About Fall:

1. Pumpkins- I really love pumpkins. If I had a pumpkin patch, I would have about 20 on my front porch as decoration. I even like pumpkin color - I had 2 or 3 tops in that burnt orange.

2. Rachael - Rachael was born in October and we have had some fun "Halloween" themed birthday parties in the past. She's my only girl and I love her.

3. Harvest Homecoming - My hometown has an annual fall festival called Harvest Homecoming. It's been a tradition my whole life (and probably before me). There are streets of food booths craft booths, rides, the beer tent, concerts. It starts with a parade on one Saturday, then the following week the booths open on Thursday and run through Sunday. Most locals will go down every day for food. The homemade glazed donut booth always has a line, and it is well worth the wait. The roasted corn-on-the-cob, the pork chop sandwiches, the baked sweet potatoes - I can't wait! Harvest Homecoming is next weekend and I will be there every day (I hope).

4. "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!" - I love everything Charlie Brown and I especially love the Halloween special. It is deeply rooted in my childhood memories. It is a classic.

5. Steven - Steven and I first made email contact in October, and met face-to-face for the first time in November. Our 2 year anniversary will be November 3. So when I think about fall, I think about him - and what a turning point that time in my life was. I can honestly say that my life has changed for the better since he entered my life. I love him tremendously (but he is at this very moment giving me grief for being too syrupy in this post). I look forward to many years to come with him, if he behaves himself! :)

Check out these other bloggers for their "Fun Monday" posts:

1. Sayre

2. The Church Lady

3. Ari_1965

4. Faye

5, Janis

6. Brother Dave

7. HoosierGirl (of course)

8. ChrisB

9. Jill

10. Gattina

11. T-dude299 (see the post just below this one)

12. Wendishness

13. Karisma (who will do what she loves about spring ha, ha! - just teasing you, Karisma, you don't have to do it!)

14. Margaret

15. Swampy

16. Min

17. Stephanie (Mama Drama)

We need a volunteer to host next week.
Hope you all have a great week.
J.

Fun Monday, What I love about fall, by a Guest Poster

2009-10-04T18:35:00.004-04:00

I am fortunate to have travelled all across the beautiful US of A, (well, most of it! I've got three states left to see.) If there's one thing that we as citizens share, it's our appreciation for Fall.

Most of us are fed up with the dog days of Summer. We're pretty much tired of sweating like a pillow case filled with water. Lets not mention that we're done with hotdogs for a while too. Mowing the grass will be replaced by raking leaves and shovelling snow, and scraping Ice from windows.

While harvest time may be a season of distress to some; to me it signals the end to another growing season. Corn, wheat, soybeans, milo, just to name a few have been harvested, sent to market, and the farmers are busy planting all over again. The calves, piglets, foals, and the little bambi's are now mature enough to be on their own. The boys of summer are getting ready to clear their lockers, while football is just starting to get exciting. Uh oh, I think I was wrong about the hotdogs. Can't have a tailgate party without the Dogs!!!!

Now, for the things I like about Fall. I think I'll list this in a Top 10 format:

1. Pumpkins

Fall makes me think of pumpkins, Indian corn, and pecan pie. (yummy) Most everywhere I go there are big pumpkin displays. Pumpkins of all sorts + sizes.

2. Thanksgiving.

You may, or may not agree, but I think Thanksgiving should be almost as important as Christmas. A lot of hands went to work to produce all that we enjoy at Thanksgiving. And there are a lot of our sons and daughters who have gave the ultimate sacrifice so that we can celebrate this day.

3. Corn Mazes!

It speaks for itself. Who can resist a good puzzle?

4. The fall colors.

The changing of the leaves is like the turning of the pages of a good book.

5. Kids.

There is something about kids and pumpkins and corn mazes and fall festivals and kids who discover the perfect pumpkin.

6. Trick-or-treating.

I do love to be the "treatee" (the guy who sits on the porch and hands out the goodies).

7. Bonfires.

I was in Scouts for 11 years in one form or another and no weekend would be complete without a campfire or a bonfire as we would have.

8. Football.

It could be jr. high, high school, college, pro - football is football.

9. Parades.

Almost every community in the country has a parade of some kind in the fall. I've participated in my share of parades and I always gripe but I always have fun.

10. Hoosier Girl

The inspiration for this post. I met HoosierGirl in the fall and my life has never been the same. Hoosier Girl's perpetual optimism really has me seeing the fall in a new light.

Hope you liked my list.

Trukindude (HoosierGirl's significant other)

Fun Monday for next week

2009-09-29T20:50:00.006-04:00

I am hosting Fun Monday next week, and I have thought long and hard about what the topic should be. Then today......at school.....it came to me. I do a version of "10 on Tuesday" with my students every Tuesday. We make a list of some sort - they are starting to look forward to it.

This morning, the weather turned cool here in Southern Indiana and my thoughts turned to fall. Our "10 on Tuesday" was name something that is your favorite about fall, and hence....this week's topic was born.

Show us or tell us what you love about fall - images, smells, sights, activities.

UPDATED:

1. Sayre

2. The Church Lady

3. Ari_1965

4. Faye

5, Janis

6. Brother Dave

7. HoosierGirl (of course)

8. ChrisB

9. Jill

10. Gattina

11. T-dude299 (look for his post here)

12. Wendishness

13. Karisma (who will do what she loves about spring ha, ha! - just teasing you, Karisma, you don't have to do it!)

14. Margaret

15. Swampy

Honestly!

2009-09-26T20:54:00.002-04:00

The Honesty Meme:

This is a Facebook honesty meme which a co-teacher tagged me for, but I’m going to post it to my BLOG. :)

1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth?

A drink of strawberry daiquiri wine cooler.

2. Where was your profile picture taken? (see pic)
My FB profile pic was taken when Steven and I were in Chicago.

3. Can you play Guitar Hero?

Nope.

4. Name someone who made you laugh today?

Steven - he's goofy!

5. How late did you stay up last night and why?
I went to bed at 10 because I was beat.

6. If you could move somewhere else, would you?
Yes. If the kids were not a consideration, I would either move to St. Petersburg Beach, Florida or to Texas near Steven's parents.

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks?
Yes, in Washington DC.

8. Which of your friends lives closest to you on Facebook?
My son Daniel.

9. Do you believe ex’s can be friends?
Yes. I was very good friends with my ex-husband, Larry.

10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper?
I don't like it at all.

11. When was the last time you cried really hard?
I've cried a few times in the last week, but not really hard. That's a good thing.

12. Who took your profile picture?
The waitress at Pizzaria Uno.

13. Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Aaron at the Cub-a-ree.

14. Was yesterday better than today?
Nope, today was much better.

15. Can you live a day without TV?
Yes.

16. Are you upset about anything?
Yes. I am upset about a situation at work and I am upset about Aaron's school relationships.

17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Yes. I do.

18. Are you a bad influence?
Sometimes.

19. Night out or night in?
Unless you're taking me to the movies, I definitely prefer a night in.

20. What items could you not go without during the day?
My car, my laptop, my cell phone.

21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
A lady from Kroger.

22. What does the last text message in your inbox say?
"Yay! If you call and I don't answer, I'm in the shower."

23. How do you feel about your life right now?
Mostly pretty good. I wish I was in a better financial situation, but I feel like I'm gaining ground in that area. Things are good with Steven, but not completely settled. I feel better than ever about my ablities at school.

24. Do you hate anyone?
Yeah, I do. Just one person.

25. If we were to look in your Facebook inbox, what would we find?
A message about my "foster" dog and a thank-you note from a parent from school.

26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
Yes. I've never done drugs.

27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
I don't think so.

28. What song is stuck in your head?

"That's what you get for waking up in Vegas" (Katy Perry).

29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be?
It better be Steven. Anyone else, I'm calling the cops.

30. Wanna have grandkids before you’re 50?
Absolutely not...that's only 5 years from now. NO.

31. Name something you have to do tomorrow:
Work at the deli. Ugh.

32. Do you think too much or too little?

WAY too much.

33. Do you smile a lot?

Yeah, I do. Most of the time.

Answer any question in the comments, or do the meme yourself! Have an awesome weekend!

Fun Monday - FINALLY!

2009-09-21T21:38:00.003-04:00

Okay, so I'm a slacker. It's 9:30 at night and I'm just now getting around to putting this up. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

This week's topic, hosted by Sayre, is:

If you had a WEEK with no obligation and money was no object, what would you do with it?

Pay off all my bills.
Get a new car. Or two.
Get my entire house revamped and remodeled.
Take my entire family to Disney World!!!!!! And Universal Studios. And the beach.
Buy tickets to a 2-week cruise for me and Steven.
Pay Steven back the money I owe him.
Go shopping. Everywhere.
Buy Borders. Every single book.

So there you have it.

What would YOU do?

Fun Monday

2009-09-21T08:06:00.003-04:00

Sorry, I forgot to put my Fun Monday post up before I went to work, so my Fun Monday will be up tonight! So if you came by for Fun Monday please come back!!!!

See ya later!

J.

The Blueberry Story

2009-09-19T22:15:00.003-04:00

This story was in my teacher's union newsletter this week. MY students are the damaged blueberries.

The Blueberry Story:

The teacher gives the businessman a lesson

“If I ran my business the way you people operate your schools, I wouldn’t be in business very long!”

I stood before an auditorium filled with outraged teachers who were becoming angrier by the minute. My speech had entirely consumed their precious 90 minutes of inservice. Their initial icy glares had turned to restless agitation. You could cut the hostility with a knife.

I represented a group of business people dedicated to improving public schools. I was an executive at an ice cream company that became famous in the middle1980s when People Magazine chose our blueberry as the “Best Ice Cream in America.”

I was convinced of two things. First, public schools needed to change; they were archaic selecting and sorting mechanisms designed for the industrial age and out of step with the needs of our emerging “knowledge society”. Second, educators were a major part of the problem: they resisted change, hunkered down in their feathered nests, protected by tenure and shielded by a bureaucratic monopoly. They needed to look to business. We knew how to produce quality. Zero defects! TQM! Continuous improvement!

In retrospect, the speech was perfectly balanced - equal parts ignorance and arrogance.

As soon as I finished, a woman’s hand shot up. She appeared polite, pleasant – she was, in fact, a razor-edged, veteran, high school English teacher who had been waiting to unload.

She began quietly, “We are told, sir, that you manage a company that makes good ice cream.”

I smugly replied, “Best ice cream in America, Ma’am.”

“How nice,” she said. “Is it rich and smooth?”

“Sixteen percent butterfat,” I crowed.

“Premium ingredients?” she inquired.

“Super-premium! Nothing but triple A.” I was on a roll. I never saw the next line coming.

“Mr. Vollmer,” she said, leaning forward with a wicked eyebrow raised to the sky, “when you are standing on your receiving dock and you see an inferior shipment of blueberries arrive, what do you do?”

In the silence of that room, I could hear the trap snap…. I was dead meat, but I wasn’t going to lie.

“I send them back.”

“That’s right!” she barked, “and we can never send back our blueberries. We take them big, small, rich, poor, gifted, exceptional, abused, frightened, confident, homeless, rude, and brilliant. We take them with ADHD, junior rheumatoid arthritis, and English as their second language. We take them all! Every one! And that, Mr. Vollmer, is why it’s not a business. It’s school!”

In an explosion, all 290 teachers, principals, bus drivers, aides, custodians and secretaries jumped to their feet and yelled, “Yeah! Blueberries! Blueberries!”

And so began my long transformation.

Since then, I have visited hundreds of schools. I have learned that a school is not a business. Schools are unable to control the quality of their raw material, they are dependent upon the vagaries of politics for a reliable revenue stream, and they are constantly mauled by a howling horde of disparate, competing customer groups that would send the best CEO screaming into the night.

None of this negates the need for change. We must change what, when, and how we teach to give all children maximum opportunity to thrive in a post-industrial society. But educators cannot do this alone; these changes can occur only with the understanding, trust, permission and active support of the surrounding community. For the most important thing I have learned is that schools reflect the attitudes, beliefs and health of the communities they serve, and therefore, to improve public education means more than changing our schools, it means changing America.

Let's hear for all of us who do the best we can with what we have.

10 on Tuesday

2009-09-15T21:05:00.003-04:00

Today's "10 on Tuesday" topic is "10 Things That Make Me Cringe":

Listening to my co-teacher talk in her "Mary Poppins" voice.
Phone messages from my son's teacher.(if she's calling, it isn't good!)
Almost any phone conversation with my ex-husband.
Watching anyone brush their teeth. (gross)
Getting paperwork from my son's school about his behavior that typically is the kind of paperwork I send home to parents. (talk about humbling)
Words like "ain't", "I done it", and "I gotta use it."
Having anyone invade my privacy in the bathroom in the morning. (Like, say, my mother standing at the door talking to me about anything and everything when I am trying to get ready for school. Just as a hypothetical.)
Listening to my boys bicker about endless, mindless crap on TV.
Whistling. (I don't know why it bugs me, it just does.)
Rude, ignorant customers at the deli.

Yep, it's a Tuesday. I am definitely PMS-ing. Just stay out of my way.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

9/11

2009-09-11T19:10:00.001-04:00

I was teaching 3rd grade. It's a day I'll never forget.

J.

This. Is. Hilarious!

2009-09-09T22:20:00.004-04:00

Oh. My. God. I have found it. THE funniest site on the Internet today. Just check these out:

These lovely people have been photographed at....yes, you guessed it....Walmart. These are from a new site called People of Walmart.

Apparently 3 young guys (who surprisingly want to remain anonymous) thought it would be funny to get people to send in pictures of some of the characters you see in Walmart. I strongly encourage you to check out the site - there is page after page of great photos.

Yep. This is why I shop at Target.

J.

Hello from Indiana!!

2009-09-05T21:57:00.002-04:00

I can't believe it's been a week. I am totally slacking off. Of course, apparently hardly any one has been by HERE either. Where are all you people, and what are you up to? I KNOW what E.Craig is up to......he is constantly on Facebook, playing "Mafia Wars". I like Facebook, but I'm NOT getting hooked on Mafia Wars, especially with a guy who is retired and has tons of time to play on the Internet.

Anyway, it's Labor Day weekend. Steven is here, the boys are gone with their dad. I had asked to have Sunday OR Monday off, but my ~~evil~~ wonderful boss at the deli scheduled me for tonight (Saturday), tomorrow from 9:30-6, and Monday 3-9. I am really bummed that I don't even have ONE day off. Not one. I am so tempted to call in tomorrow, but I'm afraid to.

School is going pretty well. My co-teacher is driving me crazy by NOT doing her job. My student teacher is awesome, and I'm getting along well with lots of my other colleagues. The kids are doing fine in school. Joseph is busy, busy, busy at IU with classes and being an R.A. in his dorm. Rachael is doing very well as a senior. Daniel is having a great year so far. He played 3 whole minutes in his first ever varsity football game last night (they were up 42-0) and he got a tackle (Announcer: "Tackle by #63, Daniel __________!" Mom goes wild at hearing her son's name announced!). He also played a fantastic JV game this morning.

Please say some prayers for Aaron. He loves his new school, but he's kind of going through a rough patch. It's hard to explain it all here, but we're thinking he has some emotional issues and possibly some OCD issues. He has had some medicine changes and being seeing a counselor but we're about to step up to seeing a psychiatrist. It's complicated. The good news is, he has a great teacher who keeps me updated, sometimes several times in a day, he IS making friends, and he gets to start learning to play the viola in orchestra next week.

So there you have it: my life in 5 paragraphs. Oh, I forgot to say Steven and I are still doing well. We will have been together 2 years in October. And please don't ask about wedding plans. There are none at this time. We are happy the way things are, for the most part.

I hope you all have a relaxing and fun weekend. Let me know how you're doing.

HUGS from Indiana!

The 7 Kinds of Sex

2009-08-30T22:11:00.002-04:00

I got this from Steven's trucker site:

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.. * This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for a short time, and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine, and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex * This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say 'screw you.'

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex. * Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Most Popular)

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. * This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And last, but not least, The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex. * You get a little each month, but not enough to enjoy yourself.

Hmmmmm......we DO seem to spend a lot of time in the kitchen! (wink)

Friday Fill-Ins

2009-08-27T20:49:00.002-04:00

1. He was a yo-yo tonight, running up and down the stairs looking for that damn book. (RE: my son Daniel)

2. The weekends are what I look forward to most this time of year.

3. My best friend is Steven.

4. I would rather be a bum half the time, to be honest with you.

5. Appearances can be deceiving. I know some people who LOOK normal on the outside, but are nuttier than a fruitcake on the inside.

6. The last person I gave a hug to was Aaron.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to just being at home with Steven, tomorrow my plans include Daniel's football game and hopefully a movie, and Sunday, I want to get ready for another busy week (and will probably end up having to work at the deli!)!

Have a great weekend!
J.

THIS is why I don't shop at Walmart....

2009-08-25T22:25:00.002-04:00

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.

"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.

It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a doctor."

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.

He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart."

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his
concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!

Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart!

Har, har.

Scary.

J.